 |
Journal | Friends | Calendar | User Info | Memories |
Kiss while your lips are still red....
Jamie, the girl I've gone on and on about, and I are officially together now. It happened last night while I was at Blackstone with Richard, Little John, Casey, and Jocy. Richard told me if I didn't ask her out he was going to do it for me.
It was really sweet because when I asked she squealed and got all excited...it made me really happy. I'm kind of planning on re-asking her out when I see her next because I didn't want to do it over the phone...but I'm glad I did.
I don't have the energy to go into everything that happened with Jess, suffice to say it was a nightmare when I look back at it. It did give me good experience though. Honestly, I'm really hopeful and optimistic that things with me and Jamie will last for a long time. From the way it sounds, they may not ever end for either of us. Yeah...she's so damn sweet...
Anyways....I'm not going to gush anymore.
Love you guys!
Current mood:
ecstatic.Current music: The Highway of Love.
I am no longer living at my mother's house. I forcibly moved out...my mother grabbed me by the hood of my hoodie as I tried to leave and get to Richard's car on Friday. Suffice to say, I escaped and am now living at Richard's duplex with him, Matt, Brandie, Mike, Jess (who's kind of stranded here because of me too), and John.
My mom has shut off my cell phone so I'm going to get a new one and get the number to everyone as soon as I can. I don't know if I'm still going to end up in college in January or not, but I do know I have to go get more clothes than the few shirts I have as well as a few other things.
I hope everyone else is doing well. I miss you guys.
Current listening to:
Rent (2005 Movie Soundtrack)Jonathan Larson
2005
.
Current mood:
distressed.Current music: La Vie Boheme from RENT.
Current listening to:
Consign to OblivionEpica
2005
.
Current mood:
creative.Current music: Quietus by Epica.
A whole world fallen apart
Are we going back to the start?
Where are rhymes and reasons
That used to laugh with our seasons?
Take me back to the days
Where the fields were green
And the waves were rolling
With the way we ran
Can you please take me back?
I want to hear us laugh
Let's go back to our summer time
Back to our own little Neverland
Take me back to the days
Where the skies were blue
The stars were always in our view
And the roads just ours to travel
Take me back
I run on alone now
Wishing I was back there with you
I run on crying now
Memories escaping my fingers
Take me back
Take me back
Take me back
I don't want to go forward
Keep back in our time
Don't let us escape your memories
Please keep me in your heart
Current listening to:
Dark Passion PlayNightwish
2007
.
Current mood:
confused.Current music: Cadence of Her Last Breath by Nightwish.
Current listening to:
Dark Passion PlayNightwish
2007
.
Current mood:
content.Current music: Amaranth by Nightwish.
Oh my god, that concert was fucking amazing!!
Paradise Lost was a perfect opening band for it too.
Annette was so amazing...the whole band was. I have a newfound respect for this band and everything they do. Annette inspired me again. She was so adorable but sexy all at once and she can sing...she has so much charisma and knows how to get an audience going. She's even better live, as well as amazing on the CD (what little of it I've had the chance to hear).
I want to see them again...their music never gets old for me.
I actually managed to touch her hand as well as Tuomas's, which was amazing in itself. Seeing a brilliant man up close and being able to actually touch him...it was all so amazing and mind-blowing...all of them have so much energy together...I hope they keep making music for a long time to come.
Wow...just...wow.
Current listening to:
Dark Passion PlayNightwish
2007
.
Current mood:
crazy.Current music: Amaranth by Nightwish.
So, for those of you who don't know, I was in Warsaw, Poland this past week with my mother and aunt to help my aunt bring home the baby, Michal, she was adopting. This is my journaling from those 7 days.
September 22, 2007
The moon glowers down at me from a pale sky as I sit on this bus; it's my first step on this new journey to another far off place. Starting today, for seven days everything familiar will be left behind. Maybe I'll shed more of my inhibitions like I shed a good deal of my hair a week ago. Now I look more like a girly-boy. I really don't recognize myself anymore. My mind seems to have no room for concious thoughts or feelings anymore. I can't think. I've become a droid. Fuck. Is there something wrong with me? I can't stand this. I really wish you were here caring for me while I suspend my reality for a few days to cure this fever I seem to have. I can't stop thinking of you; every time I hear you, talk to you, I feel so uplifted. When you say something cute or "I love you", I get butterflies all over again. You make me smile. My mind keeps going blank. I'm not used to writing anymore. The bells are calling. Where are the night skies I ran under only months ago? They've changed now, if only for a while. There are so many changes, especially to me. I dwell within my hidden song; it's there you'll find my soul and most powerful memories. I close my eyes and sleep inside (them), waiting for you to find me. I will lead you into my path. I give this song to no one, EVER. She moves through me with a light I can barely see but always remember.
Now all I can do is remember. Nothing's really changed within the past few hours. I'm restless and feverish, surrounded by strangers. I'm watching my letters change size over time. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself. I wonder if I'll experience culture shock soon. I'm so restless and the hours are passing so slowly. I miss my friends.
September 24, 2007
A whole day here in Poland has passed already. Happy birthday, Jonah. Hopefully Dad passed that on to you since I couldn't call. Michal is absolutely adorable and is warming up to us well. As I thought it'd be, the food is delicious. We ate at a tiny little cafe yesterday before turning in for the rest of the night; my pancakes with raspberry sauce were amazing and Mom's strawberry crepes weren't bad either. There are street performers galore here. Michal got mixed in with a group of breakdancing teen boys, much to the delight of the girls in the crowd. I actually wak up much earlier here. At home, if I have off work, I normally get up at some point in the late afternoon. Today I was awake at around 7:30 AM. Even Mom was still asleep. This place reminds me a lot of when we'd visited Austria, Germany, and Italy. I really wish my friends were with me.
Today's been fairly productive for a first day. It's almost 3 in the afternoon and we've seen a good part of Warsaw. Everything here is so fresh. The language is amazing too. It's fun to sit and listen to people speak. We went for a carriage ride earlier, which was quite fun. Michal got a bit restless, but he seems to like me. We ate at Pizza Hut and they make it so much better here. I love it. Aunt Linda loves hearing about my friends; I told her about Brandon's rant on Tyler Florence. "Tyler Florence's ULTIMATE barbequed chicken!" There's a really cool sense of style here too. Sally could appreciate it, I'm sure.
September 25, 2007
Today has been pretty relaxed. We didn't leave the apartment until about 11 and came back around 2. We're waiting for Mario and his friend to get here to go out to the mall. I'm still trying to find good gifts for Jamie, Brandon, April and Chris. Oh and Kendra and Sammy. Michal's been crawling over me all day; I guess I'm good with kids, haha. I miss Jamie a lot. I want to get her and April amber roses but I'm not sure about it. April is an ex after all and I don't know how she'd react to that; I'm sure Beth wouldn't appreciate it much either. While it's true that part of me will always love her, Jamie is my future now, just as Beth is hers. Wow, it hurt to write that. *sigh* I think too much for my own good. I can't even admit to myself that I'm in the relationship I'm in. When Sally asked, she was shocked that I was with Meredith. Kate told me to shove her completely away from me and I want to. My heart isn't in this all, which isn't fair to either of us, and I don't think I can handle a relationship right now, period. I want out right now. I'm in over my head. Every night I wish Jamie was here beside me while I sleep. I know I dream of her often, even if I forget my dreams. Everyone here is tired. Lind and Michal are sleeping, Mom's drifting off...I'm the only one awake. It's probably because of the cappucino and chocolate cheesecake I had at that cafe. I want Jamie here with me...and all the rest of my friends. Today's going so slowly. Hopefully Mario calls soon.
Mario didn't call so we ended up just hanging around the apartment. I ended up falling asleep for a while. Now it's almost 11 and time for bed. Hopefully tomorrow we'll get to the mall and I'll find a music store to get some good music.
September 26, 2007
Today was pretty eventful. I kept waking up during the night and, by 7:30, I gave up falling back asleep and ended up watching ridiculous kid's shows with Michal. At around 11 we took a taxi to the mall. That mall is freakin' huge. Sally would love it. I basically finished my shopping today too. I got Kendra, Sammy, and April some bracelets and I got Brandon a shot glass. He'll put it to good use I'm sure. Now I have to get Jamie her gift and then I'll be done. I did end up finding and getting Nightwish's "Amaranth" single. We came back around 2:30 or 3 and stayed in for a few hours while Michal took a nap. Mom and I ended up seeing squid mate on BBC because it was a filler between shows. We just got in from dinner not too long ago. It's a little after 8. We've done a lot of walking the past few days. Tomorrow we're taking a train on a tour of the city. Right now I just want to go home and see my friends. The weather was really foggy and gray, which my account for my mood. My head hurts so fucking bad and I just want to see Jamie again. Hopefully I'll be in bed soon.
September 27, 2007
I had such a strange dream this morning. There was a girl with dark blonde hair in a field or clearing of tiny white flowers and she was singing something. She had a strong, clear voice, especially as she sang "Oh night divine". There were 3 unicorns in my dream, 2 of them in the field with this girl. 2 men in black with guns came from nowhere out of the fog around the woods and ran toward the clearing. The white flowers kept the girl alive and immortal (I think). The girl sang "Oh night divine" one last time, almost hypnotically, then turned to run. She leaped onto the back of a third unicorn that glowed white and had a very long horn and began to ride away (I saw this part through her eyes and could feel all the texture she felt). As the unicorn jumped over a fallen tree, a shot rang out and the horse and rider fell. Then all I could see was the girl lying on the ground and I'm not sure if she was alive or dead. I woke up shortly after that.
Now I'm sitting and listening to Mom and Linda rant about different people in the family. I'm waiting for the day to start; it's only about 8:30 in the morning.
Well it's about 4:40 in the afternoon here and we're watching "Cash In The Attic" on BBC while waiting to grab dinner at the hamburger stand around the corner from the apartment. We got lunch there too and there was a man playing the violin (quite well, I might add) on the corner. After that we hiked quite a way to a shop downtown to find stoneware to bring back home. We definitely took "the adventure way" to get there. I basically baby-sat Michal in the shop while Mom and Aunt Linda looked around. I still need to get Jamie her gift. I'm having doubts about the amber rose now but, at the same time, it's something uber romantic and unusual. I'll figure something out.
It's about 8 now and Mom and I just got in from a bit of exploring. We brought Linda her dinner back up and ate ours before exploring the streets. Now we're all sitting around watching "Silent Witness" before we go to bed. The ice cream Mom and I polished off earlier was amazing. The food here is so wonderful. Michal's been a handful to day and I'm exhausted. Hopefully I'll find Jamie's gift tomorrow. My guess is we're going to be really busy tomorrow. I can't wait to give everyone their gifts.
September 28, 2007
It's a little after 6 AM and I just had another strange dream. I was in a car with Brett and his mom onthe way to see Nightwish. I hadn't really even come back from Poland yet so I realized I had no money and started going through my pockets. I found money in my right jeans pocket and started to coutn it. I got confused because some of it kept turning into this bizarre play-money that had $1 in the corners but the middle read 200,000. We were still sitting in the car at the concert waiting for it to open when some gates went up. A whole bunch of people from Choir 3, robes and all, were lounging around. I ran up and hugged Sammy (Brett and I suddenly in robes too) after we all sang "All For Me Grog", which is actually a song Choir 3 is singing this year, but all of us who were singing, except Brett, have already graduated. Sammy E., Ali, and Kait were the other people there aside from my Sammy. After that, my dream switched tracks and it's like I was watching TV. There was a blonde girl in jeans and a tan jacket in a bookstore (Branes and Noble I think), and she was reading something. Something else happened and this girl was running from her feral self. It was a clone of her but with ruby-red eyes of a feral animal and that same kind of expression. The girl ran and climbed up a bookshelf but the thing disappeared and a guy was motioning for her to come down. A similar thing happened to a nerdy-looking black kid with big glasses, braces, and an afro, only he saw it in a friend he'd played a joke on. The boy, his friend, was tall, sandy-blonde, and was a wearing a black leather jacket. The black kid was with a different boy wearing a grey shirt when it happened and he hid in some kind of closet. He was trying to hold the door shut while the thing was growling and snarling, trying to get him. His friend grey then pulled the doors open to show the normal boy in black leather. The boy in black leather said something about forgiveness and pretended to throw something the black kid ran to catch and said something about a ruby or gem. The kid came back and struck a pose, holding up something invisible.. I passed by and saw him holding up a pale red torch. I said "Totally "Legend of Zelda"." and then woke up.
Michal and I are the only ones awake and it's only a little past 7 AM.
Well, I'm having breakfast alone today, which is nice but a little scary. Mom is doing last minute shopping and Linda and Michal are at the Embassy getting everything ready for Michal to come home with us. I'm sitting the cozy little restaraunt waiting for my eggs and bacon, sipping orange juice, which is absolutely delicious. There are only 2 men eating here as well but they may leave soon. I finally got Jamie a bracelet so I guess I'm all set now. This place has kind of become a second Kavarna or Perkins to me while I've been here. The waitresses are really cute. Being in here alone I feel more adult and kind of sophisticated. Poland's atmosphere isn't quite as genial to me as, say, Germany's. Maybe it's just the are, maybe it's because I don't know the language and no one but tourists seem to speak English but the atmosphere is pretty chilly. That doesn't stop the food from being amazing though. :-D
It's about 6:30 PM now and Linda's giving Michal a bath. After I finished breakfast Mom and I just came back "home" and chilled until Linda and Michal got back around 2. We've basically sat and watched BBC all day. Mom and I mad a brief excursion out for some extra bags to carry stuff home tomorrow and I got an awesome sweatshirt too. It started drizzling on the way back and then we got inside just as the sky opened and it started pouring, complete with deafening thunder and bright lightening. I can't wait to get home. As much as I love the food here, I'd kill for Olive Garden salad or maybe something from Chili's or Wendy's. How sad is that? America's processed food has that bad of a hold on me. I miss Jamie still. I want to kiss her and wake up next to her or just hold her. I feel bad I didn't get her one of those gorgeous bracelets I saw everywhere in the jewelry stores because she deserves it and I really want to show her I care a lot still. Maybe that'd be too forward now though, especially if I'd paired it with her birthday gift. Bloddy hell I want to just go to sleep and wake up safe and out of this relationship mess. I wish Meredith would wake up tomorrow and not love me anymore. She has no idea anything's wrong and I'm scared to talk to her and leave her safely. Bloody fuck. I hate that I can't write anything worthwhile yet again. I need to figure out what my dreams were trying to tell me. *sigh*
September 29, 2007
We're in the air now and about 4 hours away from touching down in Chicago. I can't wait to be home. I can't write much now because Michal's getting grabby.
October 1, 2007
I feel much happier. I'm home now and I've talked to Jamie a lot the past couple days. When we'd gotten out of the airport the other day in Chicago, I'd texted everyone to say I was back in the States; about a minute after that Jamie called and said she'd missed me a lot while I was gone. We talked later that night too and there are so many things she wants us to do together like fishing, camping, going to an anime convention, going to Pridefest next year...my doubts are getting erased. She's finally accepting my affection more too. She was so used to giving affection without really getting any so it was hard for her to grasp when I was showing her affection. She's gotten more cutesy-ish now too, which makes me feel really good. She makes me happy and understands things with Meredith, which helps me a lot. I talked to her (Meredith) last night and had to pretend we were ok. I almost cried when I opened the package she'd sent as a belated birthday gift. I'm so fucked...I spoke briefly to April last night too and received a compliment from her when I told her about Michal getting attached to me.; she said I'm easy to fall in love with and have a lot of charsima. What really made me smile was when I tried to argue and she said she could speak from personal experience. I wonder if what she said really is true...Am I easy to fall in love with?
Current mood:
awake.Current music: Ridiculous TV commercials.
Ok....so....I have some seriously GREAT news. I got to see Jamie again today (it was Brandon's birthday gift to me) and we talked.....and I told her how I felt about her...
AND SHE FEELS THE SAME WAY!! That makes me happy to no end. She does love me. She wants to finish college and everything and let me experience being 18 before getting in a relationship, but she said she does want to have a future with me.....I'm still glowing from today.....my god.....
.............that's the SHORT version of what happened.....but my narrative that I started is done I guess. I was waiting for basically what happened today to finally finish it.
I may post it later but be warned: It takes about about 21 1/2 pages on Microsoft Word. If you want to read it, set aside a fair chunk of time or print it off to read later.
My god though...............it was so wonderful to see her and kiss her and just....wow. She's so AMAZING!!
I'm in love, can ya tell?
^^I know you've seen the picture before, but....it's too cute LOL
Current listening to:
AffirmationSavage Garden
1999
.
Current mood:
wO_Ot!!.Current music: The Animal Song by Savage Garden.
So...today was most eventful.
I worked from 10 to 5.
I was supposed to have a voice lesson but my mom was feeling sick and neither Kait or me knew the way to Dr. Plier's so we told him we'd reschedule and went to Blackstone with Corry.
We sat there for a while and talked and ate, then went back to Kait's house. Kait showed Corry "Bust-A-Groove" and educated him on LARPing.
Here's where the adventure starts:
We grabbed a flashlight and Kait's video camera and walked around the woods in Ted Fritsch park for about an hour and a half before we decided we should head back. Every time I'd ask which way we should go, Corry always said "Let's go the adventure way!!" ...so, naturally, we did.
Well, it turns out we went the complete wrong way when we were heading back and ended up FAR from where we needed to be so we ended up hiking from the township of Hobart all the way to Howard from Ted Fritsch Park before Richard finally picked us up (we love him very much for it too). We had to have walked at least 8 miles, if not more.
And now I sit at home, laughing to myself about it. Kait's right: In 50 years we'll be glad we took the adventure way.
*Side note* I turn 18 in 1 day!! wO_Ot I'll be legal!!
Current mood:
Tired and hyper.
I was working my shift at Coldstone today and you'll never believe who walked in to herself a smoothing.
MICHELLE BRANCH!!
Oh my god I'm still geeking out. I'm going to post the picture Angie took of us with her. Jim, Angie, me, Bethany, and Audrey were the only ones on the shift. I'm so glad I came to work today!!
Another side note: I'm starting to enjoy working at Coldstone a bit more, but interacting with customers still makes me a bit uneasy. I'm afraid of goofing something up. Bethany is really nice; she's another newbie but has been there longer than me. Tomorrow marks my 4th day as a Coldstone employee. And I get free ice cream when I'm working!! Angie and Jim, the managers, are really nice too.
Current listening to:
Dragonheart: Original Motion Picture SoundtrackRandy Edelman
1996
.
Current mood:
wO_Ot!!.Current music: Bowen's Ride from Dragonheart.